Lament for the COVID Kids

This lament was composed by Haven Pastor Leah Martens as part of an exploration of lament that the Haven community has engaged in throughout the month of July 2020. Visit our YouTube channel to view three services held this month that consider the importance of lament in seasons of sustained crisis, and begin to practice it together.

Silence settles on the desolate landscape that was once a playground.
Fences and gates keep children and their grownups away.
Swings sit still, only rustled by the breath of breeze.
And structures meant to be climbed simply stand somberly:
Empty monuments to the mundane magic of play.

But what of the miniature hands and feet that used to scamper and climb here?
What of the myriad voices that had once rung out in cheerful cacophony?
“A child’s work is play” the important grownups have told every concerned parent.
But what kind of work is happening in a world where children cannot play?

What is the cost of a childhood confined?
Where lies the loss of laughter and love?
How can a tablet of metal and glass
Replace the hand of a best friend, clasped tight?

“This is the way to keep them safe”, we rightly say.
But what is safe about suffocation?
What is safe about social deprivation?
What is safe in homes that are not sanctuaries,
but dens of derision, violence, mediation?

“Kids are resilient” the important grownups say,
But none who speak these words have nurtured kids through this.
None have been the only arms that can hug a haunted child.
None have found themselves cast in a one-person show overnight,
Without rehearsal, now playing the part of parent, teacher, best friend, and therapist, too.

None have born witness to the collective trauma of a generation
Driven immediately into the digital arms they were only months ago being warned against.
None have seen a young population transition their work-play
Into texts and posts and online games and come out resiliently on the other side;
Still able to run and climb and read and carry on a coherent conversation.

None have seen the structures that once shaped a family’s life fall apart
And been left puzzling with the pieces that no longer fit together.
Kids may be resilient but what about those they rely on?
Are we resilient enough for this?

And what of the learning lost:
Classroom learning, choir room learning, cafeteria learning?
How will the chasms be closed?
Or will this simply remain a continual casualty;
The curse of the Covid Kids?

Oh my dear children, whom I nurtured in my very body,
How I wish I could draw you back into myself,
Keeping you close and held in the shelter of my being
As you await your emergence.
How I wish I could expand to be enough for you to inhabit
In a way that would comfort and care for you as you develop and grow.

But stretch as I might, you are beyond me.
My womb is not wide enough,
My frame is not strong enough,
My breasts are not full enough
To nourish you with all that you now need.

So I must simply sit here with you
In all the questions that can’t be answered
And all the fears that might be realized.
I will sit with you and speak
Of online games and butterflies.
And I will hold you here, both as you cry and as you sing.
I will accompany you as my Divine Parent accompanies me.

Praying that Spirit breathes on you in the place that still lives free:
That wild imagination that is yet untamed and sweet.
Perhaps this is the hope of a child’s resiliency:
The capacity to dream of a world that might yet someday be.

A Pastoral Reflection on the Week

"File:Black Lives Matter Minneapolis Protest (28246559695).jpg" by Andy Witchger is licensed under CC BY 2.0

This reflection was shared in the virtual service of Haven Berkeley Faith Community on Sunday, May 31. Video of this reflection can be found here, beginning at minute 11, followed by our time of collective response.

In a season that’s been hard for all of us in some way, this week has stood out amongst them. Story after story in our news headlines or our social media feeds has broadcast the truth that has long been with us. It is not new news, but after a week like we have lived through, we must confront the reality afresh. We are living in a divided nation which does not now and never has provided to its inhabitants equal protection under the law. We live in a racist society. In saying that, I mean that our society is built on and still functions through the upholding of white supremacy. Whiteness prioritizes and protects the lives of those who pass as light skinned, or of European descent, and devalues or even destroys the lives of those who do not, particularly those who are black.

What is this force we call whiteness? How does it function as the fuel that keeps racism in our country running?

First, we must remember that whiteness does not only impact white people, but it impacts people of all races, and rewards to various degrees people of color who uphold the social hierarchy that our nation has established from its founding; a social hierarchy that values white lives the most and black lives the least.

Whiteness is at work when a white woman named Amy Cooper calls 911 because a black man named Christian Cooper calmly challenges her entitlement as she breaks the rules in Central Park, and lets her dog run off-leash. It is whiteness that tells this self-professed “non-racist” liberal woman that the state will respond to her practiced claim of the fear of blackness and take her side. It is whiteness that tells this woman that her pride and her “freedom” to do as she pleases are of more value than the man’s safety and well-being.

Whiteness is at work when white folk defy shutdown orders, claiming they infringe upon their personal rights, but show no concern for the rights of the black and brown people who are dying at disproportionate rates as a result of the virus among us. Whiteness was concerned about the pandemic until it realized who was dying from it. Whiteness is at work when unmasked white people gather to worship, gather to party, gather to spit in the faces of the frontline workers who are trying to protect themselves as they provide essential services. Whiteness tells white demonstrators that they can storm a capital building armed with destructive weapons and not fear being threatened by the police. Whiteness understands that in this, it is different than blackness.

Whiteness enables police brutality. Whiteness kneels on the neck of a black man named George Floyd and keeps kneeling. Whiteness does not listen to the words “I can’t breathe”. Whiteness is not moved by the cry of the dying, for whiteness only values his black life as a tool to build the power of whiteness. Whiteness gives the police the benefit of the doubt, but never the black man or woman being terrorized by them. Whiteness does not interpret riots as “the language of the unheard”. Whiteness values buildings over black and brown bodies. It values property over people. Whiteness uses the legitimate protest of distressed people of color to serve its own ends, with little concern for how its actions impact the movement for racial justice.

Whiteness is not simply at work in the neo-Nazi, or the AltRight vlogger or the die-hard Trumper. Whiteness often wants to believe that it is “not racist”. It is present in the guilt of the self-described liberals who publicly lament the loss of black life; who tweet, and post, and put the signs in their window that read “Black Lives Matter”, but who are not willing to examine the ways in which their (our) inaction in more substantive ways continues to uphold the power of whiteness. Whiteness paralyzes these would be allies and tries to justify their unwillingness to put themselves forward to risk arrest, their inability to confront the racist words, ideas and actions of their own family members or friends, or to more deeply examine and unlearn their own fear of blackness and brown-ness.

Whiteness is quick to speak and slow to listen. Whiteness often wants to lead but not to follow. Whiteness thinks it knows best how to solve whatever the problem is. But whiteness often refuses to see how its solutions ultimately serve to uphold whiteness, rather than dismantle it.

The good news is that we do not worship a white god. We do not worship a racist god. Whiteness is a false god. It is an idol. It is not a reflection of the Divine. Our hope for building the just world we long for lies not in the solutions whites like me can provide, but in a Divine Spirit who calls us into a human community that affirms and celebrates that every human life reflects the image of God. We worship a God who is revealed as Black, as Indigenous, as Asian, as Latinx, as undocumented as Muslim, as Jewish, as Hindu, as queer, as trans, as disabled, as poor, as elderly, and yes as white, too. 

Our tradition has language for patterns of behavior that take us in the wrong direction, away from what this multi-faceted Divine heart would call us to. In ancient Greek the word was hamartia, a word that meant “missing the mark” - heading the wrong way. We translate that word into English and say “sin”. 

Many of us don’t like to talk about sin. We’ve seen that language used in ways that are too moralizing and seem to be more about controlling personal behavior than building connection to the Divine. And while this is a fair critique, I think we do ourselves a disservice when we abandon the idea of examining what has us going in the wrong direction. Our brothers and sisters of color particularly know that nothing we are saying today is new. Nothing we’ve seen this week is new. Black communities have been terrorized by police on the daily for decades, if not centuries. But until there is a concerted effort to divest from the worship of this false god we call whiteness, until there is a personal and collective turning from this sin of racism, there can be no change. We will continue to move away from the heart of God.

In our tradition, we are called to confront our own sin through confession and repentance. We name the ways we have fallen short. We name the places we have missed the mark. And we repent, which literally means, to turn again. We orient ourselves and our communities in a different direction. 

So I am a white pastor. I confess my own complicity in the power of whiteness. I acknowledge the ways I have benefitted from a system that has protected me and not my brothers and sisters of color. I confess the ways my good intentions have not gone far enough to make meaningful impact in disrupting the evil of white supremacy. And I commit anew to reading, to listening, to learning, to doing the work of understanding the ways whiteness still infects my heart and impacts my thinking, and to leading, as best as I am able, a community that is continually challenging itself to participate in the dismantling of white supremacy; that is learning to go beyond being not-racist to being truly anti-racist.

I invite all of you to join me in this work. To find your own appropriate spaces for confession, where you can examine and name the ways your heart has been invested in the worship of this false god. And then to take meaningful action. If you haven’t already, I encourage everyone on Haven slack to join our #socialjustice channel. There we will be posting resources for practical ways you can further your learning and get actively involved in this work. If you’re not on slack, you can also check our emails for information on ways we can take action together. Expect us to be hosting more film discussions, perhaps a reading group, and other ideas for ways we can grow together in this season. For those who are able in the midst of covid to take the streets, there is a protest you can attend Monday afternoon led by young people of color in Oakland, and there are a number of car rallies taking place this week you could participate in, too. We will put that info up on slack or you can reach out to me for the details.

In all of this, I invite you to join me and examine the ways, whether you are white or not, that you have been impacted by whiteness, and to work with this Spirit of the living God that we remember anew today to be liberated from every false god that keeps us from living into the renewal of all things that our resurrecting God is committed to. Amen.

We're Now Living In A Virtual Reality

Let's be real. We are living in a moment none of us could have anticipated a couple of weeks ago. An enormous amount has changed in all of our daily lives, and as far as I can tell, we should be prepared for this new reality to be with us for quite a while. None of us can do this alone. The hour-by-hour life-changing developments: they are just too much. So let's be in it together. This week the Haven leadership has been expeditiously working to put together new ways of doing community, all of which are virtual. Take a look at all of what we're doing and working on now, and please join us for all that can help you feel connected and know that you are cared for in such a difficult time. 

Virtual Sunday Services: Now WEEKLY

In this new rhythm of virtual only gatherings, we will move to having some kind of service every week. Some will include a sermon; some will be more conversational. Each will give folks an opportunity for spiritual encouragement and connection. Get the info here.

Weekly Virtual Sunday Kids Class

Grownups aren't the only ones who need connection in an uncertain time. After our main Sunday service each week, Connections Pastor Jeanne Wong will also host a 30 minute Haven Kids class. Info you need to join is here.

Intercessory Prayer Gatherings: Every Thursday Night

We could all use more prayer these days. Join Connie Barker and others each Thursday night to pray for one another and the world around us. Info here.

Virtual Community Groups Coming

We are in the process of converting all of our groups to virtual groups. If you are in a small group, or meal group, your facilitator will reach out to coordinate. If you're not in one and would like to be, contact Leah.

For Day to Day Communication: Slack

We have recently started using Slack for day-to-day communication. If you've signed up, we encourage you to check it regularly to stay up-to-date. If you'd like to be added to our Slack, contact Jeanne.

Creating A Community Directory

During our community conversation last Sunday, folks were hoping we could create a Haven directory, so folks in Haven can reach out to one another with phone calls, texts, letters through the mail, and so on. Fill out this form and let us know what to include in the directory.

Videos on YouTube

Haven has now started a YouTube channel where we are now uploading musical videos and other hopefully encouraging content. We will also broadcast a livestream of our Sunday services here for those who may not want to participate in them through Zoom. Check it out and subscribe to be regularly notified of new content.

Financial Giving to Haven

While our operations have changed, Haven still relies on financial support to manage our changing operations, as well as to support the financial needs in our community that are arising as a result of the pandemic.  We encourage all who are able to give to do so online or by sending your checks (made out to Haven Berkeley) through the mail to our treasurer Don Wong (5251 Carriage Dr., Richmond, CA 94803). And if you have a financial need that our community can support you with in this time, please let Leah know.

Rapid Response Team

In this coronavirus season, we will be focusing our efforts at serving away from in-person service opportunities, to more virtual ones. Our Haven Rapid Response Team is available to do grocery runs, pick up prescriptions, check on folks through letters, phone calls, emails, and more. If you would like to serve on this team, fill out this form. And if you have a need you could use help with, let us know here.

Virtual Pastoral Office Hours

In an effort to provide pastoral care in a timely manner to all who could use support at this time, Leah has created this signup sheet for "virtual office hours". Would you appreciate a time to process and/or pray with Leah through Zoom, FaceTime, on the phone, or through another virtual medium? Sign up for a half-hour slot and Leah would be honored to support you in whatever way you need.

COVID-19 UPDATE: It's Time to Go Fully Virtual

Join the Zoom Conversation this morning: Sunday, March 15th at 10:30 am as we worship, pray, and process the week and where we go from here. Link to the Zoom call, as well as phone numbers to call in if you prefer, can be found here. Or just watch the livestream on Facebook Live.

Haven friends, the time has come to clearly say it. We need to take a break from meeting in person. Beginning this week, we’re going to suspend in-person Haven Sunday gatherings, in an effort to help slow the spread of COVID-19 which is continuing across the globe and is certainly quite active in the Bay Area.

This isn’t something our leadership does lightly. As you saw just a couple of days ago, throughout the week we had been making plans to try to gather as safely as possible. But a lot has changed in even 24 hours (let alone in the last week), and all of us need to be ready to change and adapt to the hour-by-hour developments. To me, this week has felt like an escalating communal awareness of the growing gravity of our collective situation. It’s a lot to take in. It’s a lot to process. As a pastor, the thing I long to do when I feel unstable and uncertain and like the world might blow apart is to gather with other people of faith - with you, my Haven family whom I love - and worship. But that’s also the thing that we are learning is the most risky to do right now, even with all of the careful preparations we could make.

Our new Haven Zoom reality.

So it’s time for a new plan. Berkeley Unified Schools are closing into early April at least, and they have also cancelled all rental agreements indefinitely. I don’t know when it will be safe for us to gather again at Washington Elementary, but to be real: it could be awhile. Last night a number of Haven leaders took time to talk (virtually) and discern a strategy for going forward. Though this is all new territory, I feel hopeful that we can navigate the change. In uncertain times like this, we know we need spiritual community more than ever, so let’s find a way to adapt.

Thankfully, as much as technology can be problematic, at this moment it is also really helpful, and many of us will likely be leaning on tech and adapting to new ways of virtually connecting in all kinds of spheres. Here at Haven, we’re envisioning beginning a virtual Sunday service that takes place twice a month (for as long as these measures are necessary) and includes a version of the major elements of our in-person service: some musical worship, a sermon, and a time for conversation. Using Zoom meeting technology, there is even space for breakout conversation groups, not too different than the conversation clusters we have on Sundays.

All of this is doable, but to be real, it’s also a lot of logistics to figure out on our end. And so we’re choosing to take a breath and give ourselves permission to take the time we need and make the adjustments we need to. We will not have a full virtual service up and running this Sunday. However, I would like to make time to have an informal virtual community conversation for all who are able to join us this Sunday, 3/15, at the regular Haven time (10:30 am). We will do this through a Zoom meeting (log-in or call in information is here). During the meeting, we’ll have a chance to talk together about what the vision for this season might look like. We’ll also have a chance for folks to process how heavy the week has been, what we’re concerned about, and what we need right now. No doubt we’ll spend a bit of time worshiping and praying for one another and the world around us, too. I encourage you all to join us from wherever you are at this Sunday morning for this important conversation.

The following Sunday, 3/22, we will hold our first virtual Haven Sunday Service. More details on that will be coming soon, but you can be planning for it now. And because March is a 5-Sunday month, we’ll still have a week off between that and our next service on April 5.

Assuming that this new reality of virtual gathering will be with us for the foreseeable future, there is some interest amongst Haven leadership in eventually organizing sites across the Bay Area where small groups (ideally 10 healthy people or less) could gather in homes to watch the live stream of the service together. People could then discuss amongst themselves at the discussion portion of the morning, and enjoy some in-person connection in ways that are less risky to public health. We are open to potentially starting something like this as early as April, but want to hold off on planning these kind of gatherings until we have a better sense of what kind of actions are needed now.

It is also possible that small groups or our new community meal groups could still function in some way (perhaps a hike or picnic in the park). But it might be wise to err on the side of caution and pause for a couple of weeks, at least, or become a fully virtual group, while we all figure this out. I leave it up to your groups to consider what makes sense to you.

What we DO know is important in this time is finding all kinds of ways to take care of one another, even with little physical contact. Jeanne and Phoebe have taken the lead on organizing a Haven Rapid Response Team. During this time of uncertainty, we remember that some members of our community are more physically vulnerable than others and have to take more precautions in public spaces or may need to stay away altogether. This is a time we can show up for each other in meaningful ways. If you might be open to helping do a grocery run, pick up a prescription, call or e-mail to check up on others, or be available for other practical needs, please sign up on this form. And if you have a need for any of those things or anything else a team could support, let us know here.

Finally, as we look for new ways to stay connected to each other, we are going to try using a communication platform called Slack. Jeanne is setting it up and you will get an invite soon (reach out to her if you don’t). You can learn more about Slack and how Jeanne hopes it will help us connect here.

I know this is a lot. The paradigm shifts we are all being asked to navigate are so huge. But I am inviting all of us to take a deep breath, to acknowledge all of our real fear and uncertainty, and also to look to Jesus for grounding and hope. Jesus is the one who encountered contagious illness in his day with care, compassion, and courage. He showed this each time he reached out and touched a person with leprosy, breaking not only the power of their physical ailment, but just as importantly, the social isolation they endured because of it. I believe he is still with us, inviting each of us to bring connection, inclusion, and care to one another. May we find hope and connection with the Divine as we tend to ourselves, our families, and each other in new ways, and may we hold onto the truth that none of us are meant to be alone.

With deep care, Leah

Haven's Response to the COVID-19 Pandemic

March 13 UPDATE: Things have changed since this post was created. Learn about the latest here.

Image credit: nursingschoolsnearme.com/

As I’m sure you’re all aware, the novel coronavirus is upending communal life around the globe in unprecedented ways. Here at Haven, our staff and lay leaders have been monitoring recommendations from public health officials, connecting with staff at Berkeley Unified School District, and consulting with friends and colleagues in other faith communities. We have done all of this with the hope of discerning a wise plan for how to proceed in a way that honors the needs in our spiritual community, as well as serves to slow down the impact of COVID-19 on the community we inhabit.

Currently (as of Wednesday, March 11), Alameda County Public Health recommendations do not include the cancellation of gatherings for communities of our size. Because we are relatively small and meet in a relatively large space, the risk to public health is lower for Haven to gather than it would be for other communities of faith, in which significant numbers of people are congregating close together. The fact that we only meet twice a month as a full group is also helpful. We currently only have one service scheduled in the next three weeks (this Sunday, March 15th). Still, at a time when the spread of this disease is not under control, there are risks to any social gathering. When we gather in person, we will regularly be assessing ways in which we can do this as safely as possible. Specifics on what we currently are planning are listed below. We will also be prepared to cancel in-person gatherings or transition them to virtual-only options if it becomes clear that this action is needed.

While we take seriously the threat of COVID-19 on our community, we also acknowledge that in a time of fear and uncertainty like we are in the midst of, social isolation can carry its own costs and risks. At Haven, we take seriously the need to provide spaces for folks to experience care and support from their spiritual community. We affirm that the Jesus we follow calls us not into fear and self-protection, but into hope, cooperative care and love that is demonstrated in tangible ways to our neighbors. Even in the uncertain times we find ourselves in, we will seek to embody that truth in all that we do.

With all of this in mind, here are the practical strategies we are currently putting into place at Haven.

Community Interactions: For the time being, we will continue holding services, small groups, meal groups, and other in-person gatherings, but we ask folks who are exhibiting cold or flu symptoms to remain at home, so as not to expose others to illness. We also encourage those in high-risk categories (those over 60 or who are immunocompromised) to consider staying home in order to remain safe.

At all in-person gatherings, we will encourage one another to wash hands regularly, particularly around the handling of food. We will be engaging in disinfecting the space before the service, and the school staff is doing the same. We will also encourage a friendly but less-touch oriented way of greeting one another (so perhaps elbow-bumps over handshakes or hugs). At our services, we will have tissue available throughout the space in case folks need them, and if members of Haven have hand sanitizer they want to bring for themselves, or to share with others in the community, we encourage them to bring it.

Because public health professionals are recommending that for “social distancing” people in public remain at least an arm’s length apart, we will arrange our seating accordingly, with more space placed between all of the chairs. We also welcome you to inhabit the room in whatever way feels safe for you, including moving your chair farther away from the group, if preferred.

Sunday Hospitality: For the time being, and out of an abundance of caution, we will temporarily suspend our Sunday bagel service. Instead, we will supply a variety of single-serving, pre-wrapped snacks such as granola bars. We will also have one of our hospitality team members present to serve cups of coffee or hot water (with gloves on), so as to minimize the risk of people spreading germs through our beverage station. You may also consider bringing your own hot beverage in a reusable cup to minimize your risk. If you’d like to have lunch with other Haven-ites after service, we recommend bringing your own lunch from home and enjoying a picnic on the yard (though probably best to refrain from sharing food, if possible).

Communion Service: In the coming Sundays we will serve communion in individual, recyclable plastic cups. We will also have a communion server wearing gloves distribute a gluten-free cracker to each person who would like to take communion. 

Virtual Services: For those who are not able to join us in person we will begin live-streaming our services via Zoom, Facebook Live and Youtube, beginning this Sunday. (Look for links for these to be posted here soon.) We are also working on adding capability for these Sunday webinars to allow for interaction, so that conversations around the sermon topics can still take place. Tech-savvy folks: we are looking for a few volunteers to help manage these virtual webinars on Sundays. If you would consider being a part of this effort, let me know. We can also add Zoom capability to any small group or meal group that would like to have a virtual component to give access to those who are unable to gather in person.

Coronavirus Rapid Response Support: Our connections pastor Jeanne Wong will be taking the lead on launching a rapid response team to attend to needs in the community as they arise. Need someone to take your kids somewhere while you self-isolate? Need help acquiring groceries, or prescription medications? Contact Jeanne and let her know what you need. Please also connect with her if you are open to being a part of this rapid response team that helps meet these needs, as they arise.

Of course much has changed in the past couple of weeks regarding coronavirus, and the leadership of Haven expects that this will continue to be the case. Check this blog for more updates as things unfold. Let me know if you have questions or concerns about anything communicated here. And please, stay safe, stay connected, and join us in praying for one another and our broader community in the days and weeks to come.

- Leah

I Believe God Was In That Hearing Room Yesterday, But Not To Provide Cover for Partisan Posturing

Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/167022234@N04/30013132557/in/photolist-MJa9EH-2beRsUU-28J3fMj-2borg67-2bpeB8j-28sMCXw-28qDHTw-2aqCZmf-2buWRHD-MJ7S8t-2bfYeo5-2brJ4ce-MHQHUB-28y7Lt5-2absZCS-2beceGN-28qi36W-P9PjSE-MJRbzz-Mw3Xua-MuVoSr-28qz5f3-2an9CoY-2aj4YPL-2beVcga-28KCLAU-P3pp5w-MJqj2P-2bcXozb-2bd1VJQ-28quy7W-2b9gBau-28K8HxY-MJuqPi-MJDK6a-28KJVQo-MujEJM-2bijgCo-2a5YWSN-28KCord-2ah7dqS-29Zs6KR-MHBMav-2a7KHAx-PmvQMU-2bkQ6qY-2a785gz-2buREFi-2aeKWhw-2bvkCmx

Yesterday was a deeply distressing day for me, in a way that I did not expect it to be. I, like many in this nation, was certainly curious to see what Dr. Christine Blasey Ford would say in her testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee. Still, I was unprepared for how viscerally I’d respond to her words. As a survivor of multiple incidents of sexual assault myself, all of which took place before I was twenty, I too know how powerful the impact of these events can be on a person, particularly a young person who is still developing a sense of self. As Dr. Blasey Ford shared her own story, I, like many other survivors across the country was reminded of how vividly those memories stay with us even decades into the future. I also resonated with her terror in sharing these most intimate and traumatizing experiences. I’m not a psychology professor; I’m a preacher by vocation. I speak publicly about my personal experiences all the time. Yet even I find the idea of sharing the details of those most intimate traumatic experiences in a public forum immensely difficult. And I wasn’t the only one who felt the gravity of the moment. As Dr. Blasey Ford spoke her lived experiences, despite being, in her words, “terrified” to do so, there was a hush in the room that reverberated through the television, the radio, and over the internet to watchers and listeners across the country. Her insistence in speaking clearly in the face of fear, despite her voice shaking, and naming the impact of the events she relayed on the rest of her life, was riveting.

It was a very different mood than we experienced later in the day as Judge Kavanaugh testified from the same seat. Much has been and will be written elsewhere about the difference in tone between the two. What stuck with me, particularly as a faith leader, was the final note of the day. In the final five minutes of questioning of Judge Kavanaugh, Senator John Kennedy (the Republican from Louisiana), asked Kavanaugh an odd question. “Do you believe in God?” The judge responded that he did. Then the Senator asked him to look him in the eye and swear to God that he was innocent of all the claims against him. Kavanaugh did so, confidently claiming innocence to every charge and ending with the declaration, “I swear to God.”

So what was the point of invoking God in Kavanaugh’s refutation of Blasey Ford’s story (as well as the other women who have come forward with stories of their own)? The implication seems to be that Kavanaugh is more trustworthy because he is confident enough to swear before a God whom he professes belief in. Clearly it is a signal to the conservative base that Kennedy is trying to appeal to that Kavanaugh is on their side because he’s a “God-fearing” man.

But this signaling also exposes an understanding of (presumably) Christian faith that, as a Christian pastor, I find deeply flawed. It’s the idea that God is there to both back up and stand guard over the men He promotes and allows to lead. God, in this view is the ultimate patriarch at the top of the chain of male-hierarchy. He’s a step or two removed from the mega-church pastors, the president, the senators, and this hopefully-soon-Supreme-Court-Justice. As long as the male leader is on Team God, and willing to state so publicly, we don’t have to be too scrupulous in our own critique of him. This is someone God is choosing and promoting; to question him is to question the Divine. If Kavanaugh is willing to swear before this God that he is innocent, then it would be sacrilegious of us to doubt his credulity.

I honestly believe it’s not my job to testify to the sincerity of another’s faith. I don’t know what kind of relationship John Kennedy, Brett Kavanaugh, or Christine Blasey Ford, for that matter, has with Jesus. I DO know, however, that Jesus himself seemed pretty incensed when he saw religious people of his day using oaths invoking God in order to bolster their own arguments and make themselves sound more credible. “Again, you have heard that it was said to an older generation, ‘Do not break an oath, but fulfill your vows to the Lord.’ But I say to you, do not take oaths at all… Let your word be ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no.’ More than this is from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:33-34, 37) Jesus seemed to get that calling on God before others to testify to your truthfulness seems more about using the Divine to give you cover, than about being firmly committed internally to sincerity and truthfulness. He consistently called his followers to be wary of outward displays of faith, and to be much more deeply concerned with the way we nurture our relationships with others, with ourselves, and with God when no-one else is watching; behind closed doors.

For myself, I believe I did see the evidence of the presence of the Divine in that D.C. hearing room yesterday, but it wasn’t there to rubber stamp the testimony of the nominee. The presence of God was evident, as it often is, in the voice of the marginilized, risking the rejection of the mob to share her understanding of Ultimate Truth. The reason the nation was riveted when Christine Blasey Ford spoke, the reason the partisanship was silenced for a couple of hours, the reason people on both sides of the aisle couldn’t help but be quiet and gentle in front of her, was because what Dr. Blasey Ford was doing was a sacred act.

As a pastor I’ve experienced first hand the holiness of sharing in another’s deepest pain. Whatever you believe of God, when another human being opens themselves intimately to you it’s an utterly unique gift, to which our humanity is called to attend. The religious term “holy” denotes something that is “set apart”, other than, completely different than the mundane. To believe that God is holy doesn’t mean that God is with our bluster and bravado; those are too common. It is to believe that God is in the places we are most vulnerable, most fragile, most compassionate. That’s why today, as more and more survivors tell their stories and more and more loving partners and friends genuinely listen to them, a holy work will be taking place. God will be present in the voicing of indelible memories and the receiving of the same.

My own experience of healing from sexual assault began with a personal experience of faith, in which I came to believe not only that God cared deeply for me, but that God cared deeply about the wrong that was done to me, and was committed to my restoration. In the same way, I am praying for all of us survivors today, that rather than being asked to testify to whether we believe in God, we will hear the voice of the Divine emphatically remind us that S/he believes us.